Saturday, January 29, 2011

White Oleander

I watched "White Oleander" tonight with Sarah. I cried through half of it. Near the end, Sarah commented, "Some people have really sad lives".

It's a true thing. You won't hear me argue about it. I cried through half of last week.

There are times when I look around and all I see are sad lives. On a good day, I might concede there are happy moments sprinkled into mostly sad lives. And I might even laugh when I say it... but the truth is... sometimes the sadness overwhelms me. This is only Brenda's perception, of course. My perception is usually skewed by imbalances of norepenephrin and other brain hormones I can't spell. And I know that. But, still.... there is just something about the world that isn't quite as it should be. We don't live in Eden, I guess.

We live in bodies that become afflicted with all kinds of sad illnesses and are at risk of all kinds of sad accidents. Ask my dad. He's had rheumatic fever twice, his heart won't stay in rhythm, he's survived cancer, I think he was stung by a jelly fish once.... and his list goes on.... sometimes we call him Job instead of Joe. But there are people with worse stories... And there's nothing happy about physical suffering.

And we also live in relationships that become afflicted. Sometimes people let us down in major ways. Sometimes they just irritate us. Sometimes they hurt other people we love and it hurts us. Sometimes you meet someone who is traveling a road you have traveled, hurt by someone who seems just like the person who hurt you, and you feel their pain deeply in your soul and you wish you could save them the journey you know is ahead.

Sometimes there is death to deal with....
lays offs
hungry children
concentration camps
bad choices
bee stings
birth defects
drunk drivers
feeling fat
being fat
feeling left out &
bounced checks....

If you are looking for a happy ending to this blog post, I don't think one is coming! :-) I keep thinking I am going to turn this around and make a lesson of it... like talk about heaven or Jesus or Philippians 4. But in my current mood.... that would feel weird. Dishonest, even. Not that I don't believe things will be better "yonder over the rolling river"... I do believe that. And I believe we can have joy on this side of the river, too. I believe that focusing on Jesus will bring hope back to the sad reality of this world. But, sometimes if we are honest, we just aren't there. Tonight I am not there. Tonight my heart is heavy thinking about all the sad and hurting souls... probably some right here in my apartment building. Maybe even one right here typing on my computer. I wonder how God sees it all and doesn't become crushed under the weight of it.

Moral of this post: don't watch a heavy, depressing movie when you are already sort-of depressed. (And don't start typing your thoughts into your blog at 11:00 at night if you don't want people to know how you really feel!!!)


Friday, January 28, 2011

Perfunctory Ponderings and .... Pictures

Jacob...... hockey jockey

Sarah.......... Smiling Schoolgirl (Voted best smile in 9th grade!) Libby........ Thirteen on the Thirteenth

Sam & Gregs.......... Best Pizza in 9th grade (or any grade)

Friends..... Faithful, fun and fancy

College at 40............ Harder than I anticipated
Statistic and Windows Applications................ dropped until later :-)
Economics and Accounting........... continuing on.... loving them! Getting all A's.
Life in general....... fun, hard, sad, happy, sad, happy, sad....
God.... always Good. Always.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

January Thoughts

1) School starts for me tomorrow (well, except it's closed because of weather.... not sure how that affects me since I'm doing my classes online) and I still can't believe I'm about to do this whole college thing again. Here are my books. Impressive, huh? It's because of these books that blogging will be at a minimum for the next... oh, say... two years!

2) The snow has begun (again) in Alabama. One minute, there was nothing and the next... snow everywhere. (Scroll down for pictures.... I cannot get them in the right order). No school for anyone tomorrow and this is how Jacob is spending the evening. Tomorrow he gets to clean his room. 3) My mom finished Libby's quilt. Rufus is enjoying it tonight.

Watching movies, warm and toastyy....

4) Pictures of the snow... taken moments ago from my balcony.... it's dark, but I did my best.

5) Painted my short little stubby fingernails RED and went in public today. It's 10:30 pm and I haven't chewed it off, yet!

6) Thinking alot about fasting after a delicious sermon on the subject today. Trying to figure out what is screaming at me loudest so I can cut it out of my life for a time in order to hear God's voice more clearly. (Unfortunately, I don't think I can fast from my kids!)

7) Spent New Years Eve with my BFF Beth... laughing hysterically all night/morning long. Then the next night, backed into the car of a woman whose mother had died the day before. Nice. Still waiting on the bill from that little moment of excitement.

8) Memorizing Philippians... again... I'm going to make it past chapter 1 this time around. I'm hoping to learn from Paul how to be so God-focused that I could say for myself that "to live is Christ and to die is gain".

9) Just trying to make it to 10 for the sake of completeness.

10) Got a new headboard for my bed.... loving it.... for $16.91 at a thrift store. A kind man helped me cram it in my car. It needs a fresh coat of paint, but if I never get around to it, it will be okay. (Got the lamp at my store!)