Sunday, February 19, 2012


Here's an old picture of my sister Melissa and our cousin Rhonda (the one standing on the table) that was probably taken around about... 28 years ago.  It was taken in my mom's kitchen.

When I was in Flint at Christmas time, my mom and I went to a Goodwill store, where I was pleased as punch to find these plaques for $1 each.  I wouldn't have bought them except for the fact that they are the exact plaques my mom had hanging on her kitchen wall when I was growing up. (Check back in the previous picture).

I brought them home and hung them in my laundry room to make myself happy.

And they do make me happy.

But sometimes, there's this sadness blended in with the happiness when I pass by them.... a dull sort-of ache in my heart... and I suppose there is a word for that feeling... but I can't think what it is.  It's just a longing for something in the past that can never be recovered.  And often, it can't even be defined.  And I think some people are just more prone to this happy/sadness. 

And that's all.  For today.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Up Too Early

I am up too early with too much on my mind and heart.  I think I don't have enough down-time during the day to process the things that need processing, so I just wake up extra early to do the processing.  Ha.  But I would much rather be sleeping than processing.  :-)

Here are the highlights of the things that are bothering me:
-Being single.  It has become OLD really quick.
-Questioning, once again, my career path
-Wishing, once again, I didn't have to be thinking about a career path.
-The nature of addiction.  The harm, destruction. The pull on my heart about it all the time.
-My children using bad language they did NOT hear from me
-The depths of love a mama has for her babies, even if they say bad words.
-Foster care.
-Loss. Always loss.
-The unfathomable, Almighty God
-Being much too fat
-Having to attend FIVE hockey games this weekend.  Love my little hockey player, but in the words of one of my hockey mom friends, "Is the season over yet?"
-Laundry.  Oh dear, the laundry I have to do.  Thinking about it makes me cry.
-The pain my friends are going through. 
-The Church.  Jesus's bride.  Why is she so complicated???  How can he love her when she so often spends her time on everything BUT him?
-All sorts of sickness

Okay.  That's enough.  I do feel somewhat better now.  Just making this list.  :-)  Maybe I can sleep for 1/2 hour more before it's off to hockey game #1!  Go team!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Tell me why....

.... I have gotten about five emails from my college telling me they have assigned me a username and password on their system when, in actuality, I got my username and password the day I met with an advisor back in November and have logged in numerous times since?  Yet, I still keep getting emails from them.  I got two yesterday. 

.... I would rather suffer the consequences of not taking the proper dose of my medicine than spend 3 minutes cutting a bunch of the pills in half?

.... it irritates me so much that Jacob and his friend have made a "fort" in my living room out of the kitchen chairs and all the blankets from Jacob's bed?  I hate forts!!!! Which is ridiculous because it's not really hurting anything and it's fun for the kids.  But let me re-iterate... I hate forts!

.... it is SOOOOO hard to lose weight after 40?  I haven't had a Diet Coke or a dessert or candy in three weeks and I think I've only lost about 3 pounds when it's all said and done.  Too bad GiGi's Cupcakes is closed on Sundays when my fast is over... otherwise I'd be there buying one of each.  I am done with Diet Coke, though... for good.

.... I am in the middle of three fiction books and can't seem to finish up any of them?

Tell me why!  Cause I don't know.