Fall Fun Food

Pumpkin Muffins and Hot Tea

Surrender

I am always looking for an easy fix
For quick-dry mortar to slap between the bricks
For the cake...... without the mix.
I don't want 12 steps, I want one.
I don't want pain, I want fun.
I want the prize, but not the race
I want healed wounds, but not the brace.

I want sobriety without confession
I want the truth without profession
I want none of self and all of Thee
Without the death required of me.

I want to love you with all my heart
But ..... keep back for myself a wee, small part.
I want the feast.... but accept the scraps
Believe the lies, ignore the gaps.

I want to want the things you give
To turn 
To pray
To hope
To live.

I want to learn that surrender is now
But also a solemn and difficult vow
To wake up tomorrow and choose it anew.

And only possible by power from You.

Jesus.
Generous
Justified
Crucified
Died.

Rose victorious
Holy, glorious!

Reigns
Righteous
Redeems
Rights.

Rides a white horse,
Loves me, of course.

Sunday Sunday

Sunday Evening.

For about 15 years of my life, our family spent every Sunday night with a small group from church studying the bible, fellowshipping, eating.  Sometimes in our home.  Other times in others' homes.  These were precious times to me with friends I loved and friends my kids loved.

 Tonight I miss them dearly.

In those days, my concerns were only for my home... my kids and husband... cooking, cleaning, laundry.  And I still do those things, but they can no longer be my primary focus.

And tonight I miss them dearly, too.

And now?  Sunday evenings are usually about school studies for me.  Drop the kids at church, come home, study.  Alone.

Tonight I finished a paper on Professionalism in the Workplace and submitted it.  Next on the agenda... working study problems for my Statistics midterm that I must take by sometime tomorrow.

Instead of lots of kiddos sitting at my dining room table eating their pizza rolls and cheese dip, laughing and making a mess.... this is my dining room table.....

 

Studying

Statistics

These moments.... are sooooo hard.  When I realize where I've been and where I currently am. And the comparison is often not pleasant.  And I MISS the past. 

 And I KNOW not to focus there.  I know there are good things in the present and future and I know where my focus should always be:  Jesus.  But occasionally I indulge the sadness.  And write about it on my blog.  And give it to you.  And God.

Professionalism and Statistics?  Really?  How did I get here?

Solitary Confinement

I've discovered a new indulgence.
Documentaries.
Thanks to Netflix (streaming) I have an endless supply of them. 

One on Solitary Confinement was especially interesting (and by "interesting", I mean disturbing) as I sometimes feel I will go crazy when I am home alone for a day or two at a time without human interaction.  The men in this particular prison go years alone at times until they can "prove" they deserve to re-enter the regular prison population.  That right there is disturbing enough.  Imagine working toward the goal of returning to "regular prison".

But these guys spend 23 hours a day in alone in a small cell.  Their meals come in through small slits in the door. Once a day, they get moved to an exercise room where they spend an hour alone.  They never get to go outside, though each cell has a small window through which the sky can be viewed .  The guards talk to them as little as possible.  No one touches them except to handcuff them. They have to "earn" priviledges such as books and TVs.

They find creative ways to communicate with the other inmates... such as slipping notes into little pockets they carve in the covers of the library books or using a string to dangle a note to a cell below.  It doesn't matter to them who answers... they crave human interaction so desperately- they are happy for a word from ANYONE.  Sometimes they act out just for the attention- verbal and physical, even though it means they will lose the priviledges they have already earned.  :-(

After watching the documentary, I have decided that I oppose long-term solitary confinement as a reform technique. A day or two.  Maybe a week.  After that, I believe serious mental illness sets in.

Loneliness hurts.  And it hurts worse the longer it persists. 

And they said something interesting in the documentary that I've been turning over in my mind. They said loneliness is painful for a purpose.  It is nature's way (and by "nature" they mean God) of making people reach out to other people.  Because it is not good for us to be alone.  We need each other to thrive.

Seriously.

Liked this.

Pictures from Michigan

The capitol building.

Went with Melissa to college so she could take a test- got some studying done myself.

Apple tree in my parents' back yard.

Me and my Tiger-fan mom

 Me and my dad.

Went on a walk in the woods at Melissa's.

Dirt road behind Melissa's house.  Why are there no dirt roads in Alabama?

 Lake we found on the walk through the woods.

Walking in the woods.

David had to carry Rufus down one of the steep hills on the trail because Rufus refused to go down.  I wanted to refuse, too.

Claudia took Rufus down a slide.

Kelli taking a break.  ;-)