Sunday, October 16, 2011

Sunday Sunday

Sunday Evening.
For about 15 years of my life, our family spent every Sunday night with a small group from church studying the bible, fellowshipping, eating.  Sometimes in our home.  Other times in others' homes.  These were precious times to me with friends I loved and friends my kids loved.
 Tonight I miss them dearly.
In those days, my concerns were only for my home... my kids and husband... cooking, cleaning, laundry.  And I still do those things, but they can no longer be my primary focus.
And tonight I miss them dearly, too.
And now?  Sunday evenings are usually about school studies for me.  Drop the kids at church, come home, study.  Alone.

Tonight I finished a paper on Professionalism in the Workplace and submitted it.  Next on the agenda... working study problems for my Statistics midterm that I must take by sometime tomorrow.

Instead of lots of kiddos sitting at my dining room table eating their pizza rolls and cheese dip, laughing and making a mess.... this is my dining room table.....

These moments.... are sooooo hard.  When I realize where I've been and where I currently am. And the comparison is often not pleasant.  And I MISS the past. 
 And I KNOW not to focus there.  I know there are good things in the present and future and I know where my focus should always be:  Jesus.  But occasionally I indulge the sadness.  And write about it on my blog.  And give it to you.  And God.

Professionalism and Statistics?  Really?  How did I get here?


Kristy said...

Oh Brenda... I can relate more than words can say.
A friend texted me the other day, saying she missed me. I told her I missed her too, and I missed my life...
All I do is study. I have books all over my dining room table too. I miss the days of just having to "worry" about little ones, and which part to play at, and where to have lunch...
Now, I feel a ton of pressure on me, which never leaves...
When I think of the fact that I have no backup plan, and how hard this is, and how far I still have to go... I could easily drown in all of it.
Nothing of nursing school is fun.
Too many days I am in tears, wishing there was some other way...

Kristy said...

***park to play at***