Surrender

I am always looking for an easy fix
For quick-dry mortar to slap between the bricks
For the cake...... without the mix.
I don't want 12 steps, I want one.
I don't want pain, I want fun.
I want the prize, but not the race
I want healed wounds, but not the brace.

I want sobriety without confession
I want the truth without profession
I want none of self and all of Thee
Without the death required of me.

I want to love you with all my heart
But ..... keep back for myself a wee, small part.
I want the feast.... but accept the scraps
Believe the lies, ignore the gaps.

I want to want the things you give
To turn 
To pray
To hope
To live.

I want to learn that surrender is now
But also a solemn and difficult vow
To wake up tomorrow and choose it anew.

And only possible by power from You.